I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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