Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
