I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
