She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
