dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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