how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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