She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im about as happy as oj after his trial
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
