Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
