oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
