Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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