Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
