I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
