i already hear my dad disowning me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
