Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
