i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
