its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
