I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
