yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
