Christians are straight up FREAKS
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your cock deserves a montage
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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