I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
