loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
