It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
