shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We have so much sex to catch up on
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
