somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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