that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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