my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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