repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
