hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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