I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
