i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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