its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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