im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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