i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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