Just fell off a train. Bad.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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