I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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