I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
