it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
