she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
