my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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