i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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