So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
