My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
