After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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