I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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