What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
