So drunk its hurt
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
