You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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