if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
