Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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