Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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