I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
