dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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